For reasons not entirely clear to me, I’ve got an unusually large number of friends suffering from a variety of crises. One in particular is having a tough go of it with a wife who suddenly announces her desire for a divorce (she is also carrying on a secret relationship on the side via a social networking site) and her plans to take the kids back to her home state. What is particularly difficult for him is her growing willingness to cast any level of aspersion at him, the truth be damned.

My friend finds himself physically and emotionally exhausted, trapped in a waking nightmare. “One day I’m in what I and others believe to be a perfectly good relationship, the next I’m being divorced by a woman I don’t know, a complete stranger,” he says.

Now I am of the mind that we seek out in others the same degree of consciousness (or unconsciousness) that can be found in ourselves. Like attracts like, and all that. Thus there is no question in my mind that my friend too has some serious issues to look at in himself; that while his soon-to-be-ex is clearly struggling, he was attracted to the idea of marriage with her and even years before Pearl Harbor there were warnings that war was possible just as there is no doubt in my mind she was putting off energy/vibes that suggested all was not right with her. Point being: he’s got some work to do as well, otherwise he’s likely to wander into the same kind of relationship all over again (which is what most of us do).

But a deeper lesson struck me today. If I am willing to give him a pass, if I’m willing to be compassionate toward my friend and his struggles with self-awareness, then I must extend that same degree of compassion and love toward her. Simply because he’s my friend shouldn’t in some way grant him favorable status over her. They’re BOTH dealing with issues of personal unconsciousness; if I’m going to love and support him I must do the same for her, no matter how malignant or ugly her words and deeds.